I love weddings. And now that Prop 8 has been set aside as unconstitutional, there are a lot more weddings ahead! I particularly love helping couples imagine beyond their wedding day to their marriage. Sometimes that gets lost in all of the hoopla of planning.
While the wedding day is important and you want just the right music, the best photographer and perfect setting, I believe the skills to navigate your married life are more critical. And so when you call me or my clergy friends to officiate at your wedding, most will require several sessions before your ceremony.
Here is what to expect:
1. Certainly you will discuss the wedding ceremony and specific rituals
2. Your clergy person will want to know a bit about you even if you grew up in his/her synagogue, church, or mosque or ashram. How did you meet? Why do you want to get married? Have your parents met before the ceremony?
3. A good wedding officiant will also ask you to think about the things that you love about your fiance as well as the things that irritate you about your spouse to be.
4. Your officiant may ask you intimate questions about how you handle money and how you and your future spouse agree or differ on money issues. Will you keep money separate or co-mingle money. Will you prepare a pre-nuptial agreement (if one of you insist -remember it is not a sign that he/she doesn’t love you!)
5. You should spend time talking about division of labor in a marriage. Who will take out the trash? What are the expectations about laundry, cooking, paying the bills? Walk the dog. Change the cat litter?
6. Are their children in your future. BE HONEST.
7. What are your religious and spiritual choices? Will you join a congregation? If you are a couple of different religions will one of you convert? Why this is a good thing or not?
8. Your officiant may ask you about your families of origin. What is your birth order? How long have your parents been married or divorced? In what ways will the family dynamic play itself out at your wedding? Do you have siblings who don’t get along?
Yes there is so much more than your wedding day to focus on.
In the coming blogs I will share more about weddings, marriage and how to prepare for your big day!